Soundtrack of my Summer

“hello”
What if it was easy as that? What if calling that saved number and not hanging up after a quick four seconds was possible? …well, possible for me? But I don’t have to do that, I was just thinking. Since coming home I have used it as my wall of shielding pain and not to think of it anymore. I know I am not the only girl who has the best summer "disaster" out there. I know others have troubles too. This summer is way too different from those I have in the past. As the climax approaching, yes it was Disastrous. I can’t imagine why this thing had happened, it’s like a typical summer teen flick where girl meets boy in a “poles apart” place and end up heartbroken and eventually losing him to her “best” friend. Hahaha. When I think about when we met, I don't remember if we shared a hug or a knuckle shackle, spoke small talks discussing weather or caught each others eye too often. But I know we had awkward moments and I do remember and think it will be hard to forget your smile and air-filled-between-words-awkward-laugh. I know I caught your eye on me and you didn't have to look away. You probably don't feel or remember what I felt and can't forget. Ugh, I can’t believe I am professing my “love” (more likely an infatuation) for you over this. Though I am happy that at least I am writing an okay blog out of all of this.

“will he ever know”
My head still throbs with the sick presumption that he’ll never be conscious of what he put me through – well let’s say all those gestures and the cherry on top trash talking bullshit! …all because I don’t have enough dignity in myself to scream it! My heart can’t seem to pause or better yet – stop. My close friends are most likely tired of hearing my behind-back-whispers-of-stupid-secret-suffering regarding you. I would be. More than an annoyance of me, but don’t worry they don’t hate him all because they don’t know him. If they do, well better prepare for a war – we’ll all be there with our red stilettos. Lol. It’s sad because he’s not all together awful. Oh my tricking mind! What am I saying – he is! He isn’t great; he’s not 50% close to perfect or 20 for that matter. Everything regarding him is but a dream. His face hanging in my mind is a deceitful box of airy cloud that when touched by the tip of a finger it’ll disappear. Well, I don’t know…

Just so you know, I have decided that I have wasted enough time remembering your name – more likely knowing you…not! One day I’ll greet the sun and bid you farewell. That day, I'll open my eyes to the reality of living; for in this moment and ones that surround, I am quite frigidly stuck…quit dead.

Summer is about to end and school will start. I hope to refresh everything and start a new. Yes, this was summer…The soundtrack of my summer. :)

Peace out whoever is reading this “okay” blog.
Ciao!
kkcg